Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
