I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
