well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize