If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
