miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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