i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
please come you make the beer taste better
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
