the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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