oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Floor bacon is actually really good
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