I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
