I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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