It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Plan B is the new Plan A
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
