So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
