I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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