She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
