If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
