I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
