did you get engaged???
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
