Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
