I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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