I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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