Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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