chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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