you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
