You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
