i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
