Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
