Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
