Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it's like iHOP with fire
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
