They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
