sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
