Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize