There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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