I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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