babies were throwing up all over the place
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
