one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
