I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
