i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
