and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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