I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
