So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
