They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
