Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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