eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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