Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
