Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
