i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
