Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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