I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
