tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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