I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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