I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
