Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
