i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
