Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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