There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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