it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
