your parents love me but you hate me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
