dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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