Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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