You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
