Are we in a gay sports bar?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
