So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
