I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
