There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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