At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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