If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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