I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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