So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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