1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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