"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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