She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
