he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
