What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
