Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
