I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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