I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I need a burrito and a hug.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
