No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
