why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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