He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
