Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't think brook has ever known best
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
