hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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