I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
