thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
