How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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