I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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