i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize