I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
