What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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