Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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