My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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