You're completely useless in the revolution.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the day after is always just damage control
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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