Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Let's paint friendship bongs
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
