the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
