I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
