How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
