What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
