i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
