I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize