i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
