i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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